Story Two —Nobody Knows—
So, I was going to go put a binder away after school today and the hallways were empty except for my old freshman year geometry teacher walking towards me. And I didn’t think he’d say anything because he’s not a particularly affectionate man and I wasn’t too memorable in that class, but he called me from the other side of the hallway and he said he really wanted to talk to me.
And it was so weird because once we started talking, he was just like “Jacob Perkinson, I know things seem really hectic for you right now, but be sure not to lose perspective of things, okay? Whatever you’re dealing with, it’s okay. Just remember keep some perspective.”
And it was just the most out-of-the-blue thing that i think i’ve ever been a part of. Because i haven’t really spoken to this man in 2 years, i have no idea why he stopped me today.
What is something good that happened to you today?
I had a decent not-awkward conversation with a guy in my anatomy class today, that’s all Igot. Because
I think the easiest way to avoid getting fucked over is, to stop telling people things. Just stop talking to people about things that matter. Just talk about the weather or something.
There’s been a couple of things that have just happened lately where it seems like everything lined up so perfectly so briefly, and it confuses me.
I was on a walk on this really rainy day a few days ago, and I was listening to Wake by the Antlers and i just felt so shitty and so… hopeless. But as soon as that swelling chorus kicked in, the sun came out and lit the end of the path and reflected off of the wet asphalt so so so perfectly at just the right time (i know that seems stupid and cliche but it was amazing, okay).
For a few seconds every now and then, it seems absurd to me that I’d ever want to not be a part of this world.
I just need to separate myself from the toxicity and I, myself, need to become a less toxic person. So, I think, if i can find time or will tomorrow, i’ll start picking up my goal again. If not tomorrow, then sometime soon.
I can find God later. I can get healthy later. I can read Infinite Jest later. It doesn’t need to be done now.
That can also apply to the things I actually do, though. I can lie around and feel like shit later, why am I not doing better things right now?
I don’t know
I don’t feel like it, I guess
Which is, again, annoying because there are people in the world that are trapped in cages. I have the freedom to run for miles, but I’m just sitting on the floor of the shower and watching all my hair crawl down the drain.
I could be reading Dante’s Inferno. I have it. I can see it right now.
But, I won’t.
I can’t tell you why.
Starting something is the hardest thing to do if you can’t clearly see the finish.
I just need to feel good about something again.—-
A part of me really wants to grow up to be the kind of person that subscribes to the New Yorker and I want to go home to my classy New York apartment and then spray my aromatherapy mist on my pillow before I go to sleep or something. But I want to hate them a lot. But I also really want to fit in and be like them. I think the moral of the story is that I hate and lose my interests. I know that it doesn’t make any sense.
LOVE IT. MEAN IT.